Final Plans

Final Plans

I thought it fit to convey something important for all persons: Planning for death. We should leave complete instruction preferably in writing to the next generation covering legal, social, religious, funeral arrangements, organ donation etc.

Legal should include getting death certificate from doctor and the municipal authorities, informing banks and pension paying authorities if any, surrender of credit cards etc.

Social includes informing all friends and relatives, insertion in newspaper if required etc.A complete list of people to be contacted with their phone numbers, email iDs and postal addresses need to be kept ready.

Religious includes last rites according to one's faith and later follow up. The priest's contact details are required to be made available.

Funeral arrangements include booking space and time at the cremation/burial ground, arranging mortuary van, ice box if needed etc.

Organ donation includes which are the organs offered for donation, the organ harvester's contact details and time limit for harvesting.

There may be a few other points which our members may feel free to add.

There is one other point which should have been got ready and updated to the latest position: Will

I am sorry I am opening a subject many people do not like to discuss but looking at the issue practically, all these are necessary. I have done this nearly two years back and have been updating the file periodically.

Added as per suggestion by Dr.PVM:
Providing access to online content: email, bank accounts, revoking online standing instructions etc.

Following comments from readers added:

Well planned preparation for final journey.

You have mentioned about will.  

I personally feel a separate statement  regarding the financial position,

including assets,debts, loans, borrowing, vehicles, donations to be made,

other commitments etc., if any ,

may be prepared to avoid unnecessary complications.

Why only to next generation ? why not to the spouse also ?

of course, every  thing  is Individual choice.

Every individual feels that he won't die, even though he know, observes and sees the the death of so many persons. 

That  feeling is correct as long as he lives. Afterwards no feelings at all.

With present technology and systems available,one can make a detailed write up on related items after death.

The suggestions are worth to take seriously.

I heard Jawaharlal Nehru wrote his first will when he was 28 years and updated every year till his death.

Very good advices n suggestions with useful information every one should keep the records update and let the family members have an easy access to the records.

Mr kanakasabapathi, it is a very apt that this topic is mandatory. Ur info isabsolutelynessary for us in this stage. I truly appreciate this subject is opened.any added info should be welcome as this is the truth of our existence.best wishes.dr Gowri Jayaram.

Add

Amounts due to be paid and amounts due to be received. FAMILY SECRETS IF ANY TO BE KEPT IN A SEALED COVER AND LEAVE TO BE OPENED ONLY AFTER DEATH. lOCKER ARRANGEMENTS THAT IS ADDING ONE KITH TO OPERATE LOCKER. AND IN FORMATION REGARDING WHERE LOCKER KEY IS KEPT. ETC

Several options are available. Sometimes will also leads to complications. Leaving everything to spouse is one way. Or distribute as much as possible while living keeping enough for yourself and then leave that to spouse. 

What else remaining to declare?

Based on a provocation from a write up in the retd officers Assn, 5 years back ,I have written out whatever is required postmortem.a copy has been sent to my son.One important thing  learnt was to indicate where all your papers are.

 When a person dies at home and had not been to a doctor for a few months, no doctor is willing to give a certificate.This delays the final process of disposal.

Another thing learnt is that in flats, one is not allowed to keep the dead at home ( even in a freezer) for a long time. 

Often one has to look for private mortuaries.

Particularly when a close relative is expected from USA at least 30-40 hours are required after D.

Death certificates from corporation at least a dozen copies.

Dora

This is a story of mine published in e-magazine "Muse India" in January 2012 issue. I am posting it here for those who may be interested and have not read it. - KSK Dora Kanakasabapathi K S 
Some gritty/fortunate souls hide their suffering behind their smiles. Isn’t it worthwhile to learn a thing or two from them? Read on to appreciate the tenderness of such situations… Ed.

My three year old granddaughter shouted ‘Dora!’ We were all attending a wedding function in Bangalore and almost everyone turned around to see her.

I did not know her real name till I was introduced to her. My little granddaughter had named her ‘Dora’ because her hairstyle resembled that of Dora, who was the girl’s favorite comics character.

But this Dora was different. She was a middle aged woman sporting a rather weird hairstyle not matching with her age. She was bubbling with enthusiasm and talked animatedly with all the guests who attended the function. She was moving about effortlessly and making friends with little ones and the elderly alike.

My wife later commented about her hairstyle and mentioned to me that because of that, she had been nicknamed ‘Dora’ by our granddaughter.

I asked my wife, “Have you not noticed that she is wearing a wig?”

“That I do not think is a wig. Maybe she has coloured her hair”, she responded. The colouring again did not suit her age.

“Did you notice the parting line? If you look at it, you will be clear that it is a wig. May be she is bald inside!” I insisted. It was not my normal practice to comment about women's appearances but this was a glaring exception.

I noticed an older person sitting quietly in a corner. ‘Dora’ would occasionally go to him, spend some time, then move back to meet others.

In course of time, a common friend introduced her to me along with the older person sitting in the corner. It turned out that he was her husband. What a contrast between the quiet husband and the hyperactive wife!

I tried to engage him in a conversation. It took some time to break the ice. However slowly, he opened up.

He had been working in the USA in the field of health care and had retired just a few months back. This was his first visit to India after retirement. The couple who had become American citizens had just a daughter who was about to enter university. The daughter, who looked totally Americanized, was also moving around with the mother.

The girl was learning classical music and was keen to exhibit her talents. She was to give a sort of impromptu performance later after the wedding function.

Since I personally knew only a few people in the gathering, I stuck to this new acquaintance. Our conversation drifted from topic to topic, covering Indian politics, American economy and so on. Finally, we came to the inevitable personal information.

His wife was a doctor, specialized in cancer treatment and was working in one of the famous hospitals in America. She had a traditional South Indian name Sneha. I wondered “What a beautiful and apt name for such a friendly person!”

Our talk continued. Sneha's husband Parasuram slowly opened up. I was asking him what made them stay in America when things had gone from bad to worse. As a doctor specialized in cancer treatment, she could easily find a good job here. Even he could think of a second career in the field of his expertise.

Parasuram was hesitating before he tried to answer. He started with, “It is a story of struggle. May be it will not interest you.”

I was wondering how to respond to this. It was up to him to narrate the story or keep it to himself. I had no business to intrude into their private affairs.

However, he started again with, “Did you notice anything odd with my wife?”

Again it was an embarrassing matter for me. What right did I have to comment on a stranger, that too of the opposite sex? I just remained silent.

He did not leave it there. Now that he had started, he was prepared to go through with it.

He said, “You must have noticed her wig?”

Again this was an awkward moment for me. I thought it better to remain silent. Now I knew he would come out with the rest of the story by himself.

He said. “She had lost all her hair!” I wondered what could have caused this and how this could affect their return to India.

She is suffering from a rare form cancer. She opted to go through chemotherapy and in the process, all her hair is gone.

I was shocked. Here was a person so full of life. What a sad past was hiding behind that friendly smiling face?

“The cancer has spread in spite of the treatment. You know it spreads silently. Now her days are numbered.”

“Is she fully aware of this?” I could not control myself.

“It is her line of specialty. How could she not know it?”

“You said she works in a hospital. Is she continuing after all this?” 

“That is the reason we are still in the USA. The hospital takes care of her medical bills. Her medical insurance is effective as long as she works. And the insurance covers me also. She wants to continue the protection for the family as long as possible. We shall continue in the USA as long she works and gets treatment.”

I had no words. Here was a woman so brave that she was able to hide all the sorrow and move around like a friend even among strangers.

We left after some time with silent acknowledgement of Parasuram's worries. When we took leave of Sneha, I could not detect even a trace of sadness or depression.

In a few days we literally forgot “Dora”, but were jolted one day by the news that she was closer to her end, being bed ridden. The inevitable finally happened and the news came to us through grapevine. I heard that she remained bubbling with life till the last moments. I sat in prayer for a few minutes for the courageous soul to rest in peace.

On the day I received the sad news, I did not know that the same demon within was active inside me as well. In a couple of days, my test reports confirmed it. The saga of Dora has given me courage, lifted my morale up and given me the strength to fight and I will.